Why can’t we see ourselves the way others do?

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Being a single mom has never been easy.  Divorce isn’t easy either, and there isn’t just one plan that suits all.  Divorce can be ugly, and sometimes you compromise, simply to get it over with. The day my divorce was final, my attorney looked at me on the sidewalk outside of the courthouse and said, “well this won’t go down as my best case ever”. He told me for months I deserved better, I deserved more.  I did not see it. He hugged me and walked away.  He was upset that I didn’t try to get more.  I declined alimony, I took a reduction in child support, and split everything 50/50 which was fair. I wanted it all to be over so desperately, that I settled.  I didn’t want to take more than what was fair, I wasn’t raised that way.  In the end, my ex-husband would pay a reduced child support, carry the kids’ health insurance, and pay 1/2 of all medical and extra-curricular expenses.

He did carry medical insurance(with an outrageous deductible), yet never contributed a dime to medical bills, RX’s, orthodontics, and certainly not to extra-curriculars.  Eight years later, I had never taken him back to court-not once.  I never asked for an increase in support, and I never fought to get paid for all expenses he owed.

This week I got the call.  He was terminated from his job after 25 years.  I have just lost medical benefits for my children and child support. I am completely responsible for “my people” as I like to call them :).  Angry and scared, all at the same time, I reached out to someone to share what was happening.  I’m panicking.  Can I do this? Can I take on even more?  In a text message, she wrote back to me these exact words….

“You are going to be better than ever, ok? You are. You are the closest thing to a cat besides being a cat. You always land on your feet. It’s amazing. Me? I’d be flatter than a pancake. You? you look amazing and will be fabulous.  God wanted you to be completely seperate from him, and God is going to provide for you Amy.”

I am going to be okay, I will provide and take care of my kids.  I still can’t look in the mirror and tell myself that I am amazing or fabulous….but it’s nice to know that one person on this Earth believes that I am.

If only we could see ourselves the way others do….

 

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