The Aha Moment

The Aha Moment is defined as a sudden insight or discovery.  Sudden realization, inspiration, recognition, or comprehension.  We’ve all had them.  Trying to remember the name of someone you once knew, the name of favorite song you used to sing, or maybe even when you realized what you wanted to achieve in life. My Aha Moment came in late August 2011…..

I had been married for 17 years with 5 beautiful children.  Ages;17,15,12,8 and 5.  They were my entire life-still are.  I had not been happy in my marriage for several years.  I talked to my husband about this.  I asked that we go to counseling in which he refused.  I then asked if we could start making an effort to spend time together, go on dates, and try to reconnect.  As difficult as the conversation was, and it took me several years to gain the courage to have it, I explained to him that although I care for him, I no longer loved him, and did not feel about him the way a wife should feel about her husband.  These conversations and requests fell on deaf ears.

I continued being a stay at home mom, enjoying my 5 kids and keeping busy with all of their games, practices, doctor/dentist appointments, school field trips and so on…  I took care of the home, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work.  I paid the bills, did all grocery shopping, and all home maintenance.  We appeared to be perfect.  Living happily ever after.  We were not.

That day in late August 2011 started like any other day. My husband left for work without so much as a good-bye.  I fixed the kids breakfast, checked bags, and drove them to school.  I came home, tidied up the house, and went to our community high school where I spent a few hours each day working with special education children.  I came home that day, started dinner, and laundry, and grabbed the kids from school.  I fed them, and got them dropped off to their practices.

I didn’t see it coming.  I hadn’t planned it, honestly, I think I had become numb to my marriage or lack thereof.  My husband came home from work that day and came into the bedroom to change.  I was putting away laundry.  We barely spoke.  Then the Aha Moment occurred.  In that very moment, I decided I no longer was going to live like this. That if I wasn’t worth the effort, why continue on this path?  Out of nowhere, I told him to get his suitcase, pack, and leave.  He was stunned, and angry.  I was calm as a cucumber.  The moment had happened. I had no doubts, I was done with this marriage, this way of life.

He left that day, and I will surely blog in the future about the journey that followed, but for now I will say that that Aha Moment saved me.  I do not, and may not ever know why it took years to come to the realization or accept my Aha Moment, but I am so thankful it happened.  It was as if I had a head full of knowledge, and an abundance of self confidence all in one bestowed on me that very moment. I never looked back…..

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